so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
