a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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