i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
