so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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