Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
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if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
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"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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