hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
the day after is always just damage control
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
