just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
