Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
