The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
