i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
