Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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