I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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