OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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