I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
