just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
