No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
