I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
