I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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