The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
