even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Terrible idea I love it
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
