just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
