so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
