office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
What a dumb baby whore.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
MIDGETS
????
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
