She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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