Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
