i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
