ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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