He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
