im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
