I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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