we have pet lesbian snakes
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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