I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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