Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
