but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
