I'm passing your future prison.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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