I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
