quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
