i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
