Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
that is very illegal...i love you.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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