I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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