Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
