He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
