We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
