ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
