Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
