I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
