that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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