There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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