He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
