Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
