I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
