WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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