Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
