don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
