people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
