Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
