how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
