yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize