I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Your cock deserves a montage
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
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