Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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