i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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