The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
