So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
