i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
