I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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