Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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