Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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