i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
