someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We are all done wearing pants today
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
