I CAN MOONWALK!
Its about making memories worth repressing
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
