Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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