Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
