We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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