If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
