wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
