Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
