im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Enjoy the penises
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