You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
