Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
