a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
