i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
