Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
