Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize