i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
