I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
