allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
