I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
