so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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