So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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