Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
