why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
